The guilt and grief of survivors
by Bat Orchid
Summary: It's been six months since the final battle and Harry is struggling to build a relationship with his godson, plus Teddy's troubled grandmother, as is everyone else. He just can't help wondering whether Andromeda is beyond help. Rated M from the early on though remains reasonably canon. Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: All rights belong to the 'holier than thou' J.K Rowling. Follows from the end of The Deathly Hallows (not the nineteen years later epilogue though), reasonably canon but may drift. All responses are welcome, please review I beg of you.**

**Chapter one: isn't this nice?**

After the war ended there was this brief period of, nonchalance, would be the best way to describe it.

The deaths were staggering and the ministry was corrupt, although the light had won they didn't really have a contingency plan other than defeating the bad guys, after that there was nothing but naïve hope. In this short time there was almost more fear than throughout the entire war because frankly no one had a clue. The injured were in hospitals, the dead were prepared for burial, the hidden went home, the captured opposition went to Azkaban and the others hid from their inevitable prosecution, and then everyone just kind of froze. People knew the good guys had won and most were pleased, yet the question remained, what the fuck do we do now? The Order didn't know how to deal with the ministry, were they in charge now or what? They wanted equality for everyone but were they allowed to just give the wizarding world new rules and tell them to deal with it?

Yes, the answer turned out to be. Within days Kingsley was Minister of Magic without anything resembling a democratic vote, turns out if you kill a ton of deatheaters people respect you, not that anyone thought for a second that Kingsley would have lost an election. With the brutality of the final battle and the dense period that followed even the many prejudices at the ministry were welcoming any form of leadership, a figure to follow who wasn't a teenager with a muggle haircut.

The great thing about Kingsley was that he wasn't anything if not logical, as opposed to strutting in and shouting "Hug a hufflepuff!", he set his focus to the immediate needs; mainly hiring and firing, the most favourable being the beautiful moment when the toad known as Dolores Umbridge found herself in the now dementor-free Azkaban, in a cell which the ever witty aurors had painted pink all over and covered in cat posters, fat and deformed cats.

All those left in power with issues to the Order's beliefs kept them firmly to their own consciences and were just grateful for the returning feel of normality and control. Well the new sense of normality that was…

Process was slow but met with no obligation and everyone was willing to be patient, within weeks the ministry was gradually falling back into place and the new rules were easing their way into the fundamentals of wizarding society. Hogwarts was to be rebuilt as soon as possible and even with magic that was going to take a minimum of six months, the good news however was that Minerva would be headmistress whenever the next term actually came around. The ways of the Order were being accepted everywhere in the United Kingdom with the exception of Knockturn alley, not that anyone really gave a goblin's arse about the inhabitants of that cess pit. What? Even the Golden Trio's hearts could stretch so wide.

It was the fourth month of the recovery when Harry considered himself well enough to help others, the deaths in the war all struck a personal cord with him and the guilt that consumed the young man was suffocating.

He held himself responsible for every life lost, every scar both physical and mental, every family ripped apart. He had carried the war on his shoulders and it finally took its toll, his spine began to bend with the weight and he could feel the snap of each vertebra as his muscles gave way and the boy that lived fell to grief. It was hard, not just for Harry but for those around him; the first week was the worst, his infamous anger took over and he smashed everything in sight, talking to him was suicide and he spent his days alone in the ex-Dursley residence breaking things and crying.

After the anger was gone the sadness dived on him like a predator, the Weasleys moved him into the burrow which had effectively become the grief home.

Although he was extremely distant and unstable for the first few weeks Harry learnt the benefit of shared grief, whatever he felt he could say without needing to articulate because the others got it, they just knew. The next two months were spent sharing thoughts, memories, attending funerals, and being a family. There was no question to either Harry or Hermione about who their family was, even though Mione's parents had been brought back to reality and were more than forgiving to their daughter they hadn't known the war, the Weasleys were dealing with such heavy losses but didn't hesitate for a second to bring the their un-official extra children into open arms. The funerals and memorials were agony for the survivors but they found a way to deal with each death, for example Harry dealt with Sirius's, Remus' and Tonks' demise by swearing to be an outstanding Godfather to Teddy, he also took a little joy in the death of Bellatrix. He knew that wasn't how to deal with the murder of loved ones but it was fair to say most of Europe were grateful to Molly Weasley, who was being held as one of the greatest war heroes of the second wizarding world war.

Harry had always bottled up his emotions and falling apart wasn't easy for him but there was no denying without doing so he couldn't have overcome the aftermath of, well his entire early life.

In the end he knew focusing on the good memories and all he still had no matter how clichéd was the best way to cure himself, and he did. Only by allowing himself to take all the blame could he see that the blame wasn't his, he now knew that his over reaction was nothing but an ordinary reaction to be expected of someone in such a position. Once he began to truly feel whole again he felt free of the anger that being Voldemort's horcrux had burdened him with. The world he lived in was becoming light and quickly so, Hogwarts would be opening for the new academic year in three months and the Ministry would start training plus hiring new aurors even sooner. Harry knew being an auror was meant for him, by capturing the remaining deatheaters he was finishing what he started and closure would be the beginning for him. He and Ginny were taking it steady but serious and once he had a good position in the ministry as an auror they would be married, it one of many things he was certain. The next was that their children would be named in memory of those who were gone but still so close, including they had both decided Severus Snape.

Snape was the biggest guilt for Harry even though he knew that there was no other way that any of their relationship could have been played out; to Harry Severus Snape was the true hero of this war and unarguably the bravest. The Order had seen to it everybody knew the brave sacrifices of the lost professor and spy, he was another hailed hero of the war.

After what was christened the four month asylum stage the Weasleys, Harry and Hermione, along with the rest of the grieving party (Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnet, Luna, Neville, the miraculously still alive Lavender Brown, Parvati Patil and Gabrielle Delacour) decided to rehabilitate themselves with the rest of the world, a world where they're apparently all celebrities.

They'd expected fame but the tee-shirts were certainly surprise, each of them had a favourite; Ron's and George's was the popular slogan top 'Not my daughter you bitch!', Hermione Angelina Alicia and Luna all favoured the rebellious teen slogan top with the bold print of '**Mudblood and proud**.', Neville liked a graphic tee that showed a moody looking cartoon Voldemort sat next to a very dead snake in what appeared to be hell, Bill adored a plain top that showed a cartoon Alistair Moody leaning over a cloud heaven glaring down at some very frightened looking animated deatheaters with writing that read 'Madeye's always watching', Lavender and Parvati were keen on a top that (correctly) stated 'A Malfoy isn't a person it's an STI', Fleur and Gabrielle took an obvious liking to vest top which read 'Veelas do it best', George and Percy modestly favoured a top which simply said 'Weasleys, making gingers sexy since Merlin', Harry and Ginny also modest preferred the top 'The boy who lived to make glasses sexy'.

The Golden Trio were idols and, much to the relief of all involved, despite being cleared from imprisonment charges the Malfoys were not hailed as heroes regardless of Narcissa's saving Harry (he wasn't ungrateful but it was hardly anything to do with saving him, she just wanted her precious son back). Hermione had even forgiven Rita Skeeter for the Triwizard fiasco when she read the headline 'We only like you because you're rich'. Lucius had been placed under house arrest for the next ten years or so and would be running the family business from there, however, his wife and son had fared better, both would take teaching positions at Hogwarts (Narcissa as DADA and Draco as Muggle Studies, how that racist was going to teach the way of muggles in a positive light was a mystery to all) much to the chagrin of the new headmistress. Minerva had reluctantly agreed after she thought of all the ways she could sneakily embarrass them, she would start by retelling the story of Draco and Buckbeak, then accidently let slip about how in her early teaching days she had caught the eldest and youngest black sisters 'experimenting' together, with tongues.

Harry's first concern was of course his best friends, Ron was shaping up good but Hermione had suffered what was considered the worst fate of the war, torture by Bellatrix Lestrange. The carving on her arm would never even fade and was remarkably hard to cover, even with a glamour spell. The genius witch would seem fine all day then toss and scream in her sleep as if she were possessed, the night tremors were horrific and she was undoubtedly the most reluctant when it came to grief. She didn't want to lose control over her emotions but eventually they convinced her just to let it go and they'd never judge her, and boy did she let go. She was hysterical, the young with literally cried a river. She would sob uncontrollably for hours on end until her voice was too hoarse to speak and her tears had drained her of all her body's hydration. The process of recovery was slow but nobody did mind, they only cared for Mione's wellbeing. On the other hand there was one particularly epic moment just after the trial for Draco when Hermione saw Narcissa, and, as opposed to breaking down she slapped the ice queen to kingdom come. The socialite was too slow to respond to the attack and when the younger was finally stopped by her very amused friends the Malfoy was left with a cracked skull, plus an equally damaged ego.

Furious, the aristocratic witch stormed to the auror office to complain about being "Smacked to hell and back" only to be told by the (ever witty) aurors "That it was very nice of Miss Granger to arrange a visit to your sister."

Hermione's recovery had been just about complete a month after his and he was ecstatic for her when she offered job as Arithmancy professor, as long as she agreed not to kill any certain colleagues that was.

Apart from Hermione everyone else seemed to have recovered faster than him and Harry found himself feeling like a bit of melodramatic. It was only when he was complaining to Ron during auror training about feeling rather useless when he realised whom he needed to help, Teddy Lupin. The godson he had sworn to protect, an orphan who would never know his parents but would know love if it was the last thing Harry did.

To say Harry was embarrassed for forgetting about teddy would be an understatement, he was mortified. Fortunately he wasn't alone, for when he brought up the topic of his godson at dinner (with the entire Order and Dumbledore's army) everyone did a double take as if they didn't know who he was rambling on about, only when it hit them did all the elders at the table look very, very guilty. Augusta Longbottom appeared to be glaring at herself if possible, which was a perplexing but scary sight. After what felt like hours, but was only a couple of seconds of awkward silence did an unusually nervous looking Minerva mumble something about nobody having contacted Andromeda after informing her of her daughter and son in law's death. Never had a room full people looked so self-loathing as this one did now.

Andromeda Tonks who had never raised a wand to anyone in offense, who had been kicked out of her family, who'd never made a comment when people insulting told her of her resemblance to her psychotic sister, who'd lost more in this war than anyone else, who had given her entire life to raising a daughter and was now raising another child, completely alone. Everyone had been so busy with what was in front of them they'd let a woman who risked her life for all of them wallow by herself, no human contact for five months while she cared for the child of a daughter now gone. She was living in the home of a husband who lay in a grave, abandoned by those who should have helped her like they helped each other. Harry hoped to God or whoever was listening the middle Black sister would be forgiving.

Augusta volunteered to be the one who contacted the widow on behalf of the Order, the Longbottom matriarch had always been close to her and her guilt was very apparent. She owled the home to notify her wish to visit and promptly apparated there as soon as her owl returned without reading the reply, a reply which Harry had been told was made up of some quite colourful vocabulary. Neville's grandmother was a far from discreet and often intimidating woman so they all assumed if anyone was going to break the ice it would her, she had made it abundantly clear that everyone else should have thought of Andromeda, despite her being closest to the witch. She's getting on a bit and her memory can't be trusted under stress apparently. Nobody dared argue.

Augusta returned late in the evening and quickly made her way to bed; she wasn't in the mood to discuss things at length. Or at all really, before he went to sleep Harry's last thought was hope that her sharp attitude wasn't a reflection of Andromeda's feelings towards them. Hope, lovely as it is, often fails at the hands of truth and logic.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: All rights belong to the 'holier than thou' J.K Rowling. Follows from the end of The Deathly Hallows (not the nineteen years later epilogue though), reasonably canon but will drift. All responses are welcome, please review I beg of you.**

**Chapter two: this is still quite nice**

Never in her life had Augusta been as embarrassed as she was arriving on the door step of her dear friend, whom she had completely cast out for the past five months. Sure she'd received owls from Dromeda in the first few weeks but she'd been so wrapped upped with the Order and fussing over her grandson she merely scanned the letters and wrote blunt replies, she was ashamed to admit that after a month of sending the same empty responses she had requested her house elf dispose of letters from Dromeda. It wasn't that she care about her, she just hadn't had the time. In hindsight she could have made time but she was blinded by the affects the war had on her precious Neville, who, although she didn't show it often, meant more to her than life itself. With this in mind she had declared herself for the task of contacting the poor woman; she was the closest to the witch and in all honesty she was the only person with the guts to apologise without being a complete hufflepuff. In typical matron style she had sent an immediate owl which simply read;

_My dearest Andromeda,_

_I cannot begin to apologise, so I won't. Please don't be angry because I'm coming round and I fancy a spot of tea, put that kettle contraption on. How's Teddy?_

_All my love,  
Augusta Longbottom. X_

She thought the little kiss at the end was a bit too much but one has to be soft in this sort of situation. The way she saw it her and Dromeda were to become a lot closer once the initial bitterness of being ignored went away, after all, she would need advice on being a grandma raising a grandchild. Although she found it hard to view Dromeda as a proper grandmother, not in harsh way, just she's forty two which isn't even middle age for a witch, not to mention she still looks bloody twenty, and she's attractive which did not spell 'granny' to Augusta. But she knew Dromeda would raise her grandson like her own child and she snidely supposed having a beautiful 'mum' would score the little boy some peer points when he attended Hogwarts. However, her main concern was not the upbringing of Teddy but the loss of the family the boy should have had. Dealing with grief is hard and doing it alone is very painful, especially, with the amount of grief Dromeda would have. So as she sat awaiting a reply she went over every possible question, accusation, and insult that could be thrown at her. After all being able to remain in control of a conversation no matter how emotional was something the elderly witch prided herself on.

As soon as her owl returned with a note round it's ankle she went to fetch her cloak, after all she knew what the letter would read;  
Dear boggart brained bitch, I am not your dearest – blah blah blah – You ignored me – cuss word this, cuss word that – some friend you are – muggle phrase – lost my daughter – artistic profanity – yada yada – go do something improper to yourself – Andromeda.  
Without as much as a second thought Augusta apparated to the cottage in the country that the Tonks had called home for over twenty years now. The garden was very well kept and from what she could see the house was pristine, which meant that even with the baby Dromeda had plenty of time on her hands. She approached the house and knocked firmly three times, she then stood back and focused on draining the guilt and mortification from her face. In the words of Neville's colourfully mouthed friend Seamus, she "felt like a right tit.", whatever a 'tit' was, she presumed it was some kind of constantly embarrassed Irish creature.

She wasn't surprised when her knock was answered with silence, she knew the witch she was dealing with. Andromeda always needed a good sulk before a confrontation. The witch could cuss and swear to the hills and beyond but in a directly argumentative situation Dromeda struggled to articulate herself. Meaning that if she were to let Augusta in she would have to avoid an argument to express her feelings, and right now a long chat wasn't what Dromeda would want.

After three minutes Augusta knocked again ten times, she knew the house wasn't empty. She also knew the door probably wasn't locked and if it were a simple spell could open it, but barging into another's house was not something a woman such as Augusta would do. Five minutes past this time and the Longbottom knew what to do, it was childish but it would work. She raised her hand and knocked continuously, making it clear she wasn't going anywhere. The door in front of her swung open after forty bangs revealing an empty corridor.

Augusta walked into the room she knew to be the living room to find Andromeda sat in arm chair facing the lit fireplace. She walked to where her friend was turned away from her and sat in the opposite sofa so to see her face. When she looked into her friend's face it became clear how serious the situation was. Her usually deep hazel eyes were a dull grey, her mouth was turned up in a half smirk, and the only emotion coming off her was a slight arrogance. She had reverted back to the traditional Black façade, no emotion just superiority.  
Dromeda avoided Augusta's gaze as she spoke,  
"You shouldn't have come here, I don't wish to speak to you." Her voice too lacked emotion.  
"Then why did you let me in dear?" Augusta didn't believe this ice act.  
"You were banging my front door down don't you recall?" Her gaze remained on the fireplace.  
"Then why didn't you put a silencing spell on so said door?" A slight annoyance worked its way into Andromeda's features; clearly she wasn't as good at the Black façade as her darling sister Narcissa.  
"I suppose I want to hear your excuses for abandoning me. You do have excuses I presume?" Dromeda looked at her for the first time, her face blank but her hands grasping the arms of the chair tightly so to prevent her emotions spreading to her face.  
"Actually you're wrong, I don't. None of us do, only our most heartfelt apologies. We were so wrapped in our own grief and recovery we completely forgot about you. It was dreadful of us and I myself have never felt guiltier. We left you alone when you lost everything, it was despicable of us and I'm ashamed to admit had Mr Potter not wished to see his godson we would have gone on unaware for far longer. And for that we are all so, so sorry Dromeda, truly. We only ask you let us make it up to you, and to Teddy." Augusta spoke from her heart knowing it was the only way to get through to her friend.  
"You j-just forgot about me, y-you left me alone. All of you forgot, none of you cared. None of you! I-I've been so alone." Andromeda spoke through sobs, her head hug down and tears fell freely onto her lap, her knuckles were white from the effort of her grip on the chair's arm. Augusta reached across to take her friend's hand but as soon as she made contact Dromeda pulled it away as if it were scolded. "Y-you all just forgot, cos you all had e-each other but I've got no one. **They're all gone Augusta! **Ted and Dora they're gone! Remus too! I-I've got no one. A-and teddy he looks so much like his parents it k-kills me, e-every time he changes h-his hair all I see is D-Dora. And when I n-need to talk to someone I keep expecting T-Ted to be there b-but he's not, he's dead! I hadn't seen him for so long before he d-died; I really thought he would come back. A-and the last thing he said was to b-be happy but how can I be happy w-without him, without all of them? **How?**" Dromeda had pulled her legs up to her chest and was crying into her knees. Augusta kneeled before her distraught friend and pulled her into a hug, whispering reassurances into her hair. Dromeda curled into the embrace and this was how they stayed for the next few hours, occasionally Dromeda would hurl insults but she was crying too much for any of them to be comprehendible. Eventually they spoke and Dromeda agreed to Augusta's requests but promised no immediate hospitality, and after talking of her family for a few minutes the witch was sobbing again.

It was midnight by the time Augusta left, Dromeda had fell to sleep in her arms and the Longbottom had levitated her to bed and tucked her in. She fed Teddy his late night bottle and kissed her younger friend on the head before she left, leaving a note to contact her in the morning. As she lay to bed to go to sleep at home one thing was very clear, Andromeda was far too young to be a grandmother.

* * *

Harry sat at the breakfast table twirling his fingers nervously around on and another, though it wasn't August's meeting with Andromeda that had him worried. It was the loud fight between his best friends during the night. Hermione and Ron had been screaming at each other in the early hours of the morning, and as to now no one knew why. He looked up to Ginny sat opposite him who looked equally nervous; the surrounding Weasley family also looked meek.

The couple in question had been a cause for concern ever since the family's recovery; nobody doubted their love for each other only whether they were ready for a serious relationship. Ron had matured throughout the war but he needs time to be young, and as much Hermione thinks herself an adult she's been through so much tying herself down wouldn't do her any good. Even if they did love each other they weren't in the same place as Harry and Ginny, they needed time and space. Harry didn't mean he didn't want his best friends to be together because he did, a lot. He was just scared they weren't ready, he wasn't saying they weren't mature it was just; if they ever broke up everything would be- ruined. He didn't care that it was childish he wanted them to be 'the golden trio' forever, if they went serious too soon it could go horribly wrong and they'd regret it, then their friendship would be verdantly ruined. Harry just didn't want his friends to risk something so important, nor did any of the others.

Speak of the devils. Ron and Mione entered heads down and stood awkwardly at the end of the table. Everyone looked up expectant of an explanation not just to last night's fight, but to all the unanswered questions of the last few months.  
"Well I, we urm," Ron started off weakly but Hermione cut in,  
"We're sure you all heard our passionate discussion last night and wish for an explanation." Harry sniggered under his breath, it takes a certain type of person to keep an entire house up with an argument then refer to it as a 'passionate discussion'. He could see the others nodding to the young witch to continue.  
"First off we'd like to say we're sorry if we woke anyone up." Ron spoke clearer now.  
"After calming ourselves down Ron and I spoke more civilly about the issue and have come to a conclusion."  
"And what exactly would the issue be?" A confused George asked.  
"Our relationship, really." Ron answered; Fleur and Gabrielle looked up from their breakfast beginning to take an interest in the conversation.  
"Ron and I care for each other a lot."  
"Yeah, we do." Ron smiled sheepishly at the woman stood next to him who returned the gesture and continued speaking.  
"But we both agreed we need a little time to ourselves, we are sure that a serious relationship is what we both want, yet now just isn't the time. We need to adapt to our new lives, gather our bearing and bury old problems before settling down."  
"We're gonna have a year off to get our stuff together, go on a few dates, get used to our jobs. Then when the time comes when we know we're ready, we'll be together." Ron gave Mione's hand a quick reassuring squeeze then turned to look at his friends plus family.  
Luna was the first to speak,  
"I think it's a great idea, giving yourself a year to get use to the nargles you'll have picked up during the war."  
A still slightly confused George spoke up next,  
"So you're going to have a year break, where you'll like see other people?"  
"Well yes and no, we might go on a couple of dates, meet some people. But no boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, it's just an adjustment year really." Most of the room seemed to accept the answer, except Molly who looked unsatisfied.  
"A year seems a little long don't you think?" Ron began to shift as his mother questioned him, sensing this Hermione answered.  
"I know it may, it's just this war has been so taxing on all of us and it's not a definite time space just a vague idea." Molly looked happier at this.  
"Well I agree with Luna, I think it's a great idea." Harry smiled in approval at his best friends. He loved the idea it was exactly what he'd wanted for them, maybe they were psychic. Wait, do you get wizard psychics? He'd have to ask Arthur later.

* * *

Augusta made her way slowly down the stairs of the burrow; she'd slept here overnight at Molly's request and was glad of it. It would be easier to get everything out in the open first thing. She stepped into the dining room to find everyone already seated, seemingly waiting for her. Minerva had also come round for the informal meeting.  
"Good morning Augusta." Molly greeted her as she sat down, placing a plate of toast and a glass of pumpkin juice in front of her. She nodded appreciatively. She took a drink of her juice and started on her breakfast. She was interested to see who would ask her first, she hoped Harry would ask out of care for his godson or Minerva for her guilt over the Order's ignorance though she didn't rule out the irritatingly inquisitive muggle-born girl.  
"How did it go last night?" the Potter boy sounded eager.  
"Well it was, as to be expected. Dromeda is very upset, she's clearly been nearly entirely alone for the past few months while caring for a baby and grieving her whole family. The poor woman is distraught but, she's not beyond hope. Despite her self-doubts she is a strong woman and I can see she is slowly beginning to heal but she's, very temperamental at the moment." Augusta chose her words carefully.  
"Is she willing to let us into her life?" Minerva asked her concern obvious.  
"Yes, just don't expect a warm welcome. There will be grovelling required."  
"Of course." The two women shared a knowing glance; both understood it would be up to them to bring Dromeda back into the land of the living.  
"What about Teddy? How is he? Does she know Remus and Tonks made me godfather?" The Potter boy _still _sounded eager.  
"Yes she is aware you wish to be involved in your godson's life, Teddy is a fine young boy by the way. However, it's like I said before you will need to grovel, sincerely." Augusta doubted that was the answer the trainee auror was looking for.  
"WHAT?" The golden trio asked together which would have been endearing had they still been eleven.  
"You have had five months to be a godfather my boy, where were you? Teddy is ten months old, he'll be walking soon yet you've never laid eyes on the boy, it's hardly a good start is it?" She didn't mean to make Neville's friend feel guilty, nor was she one to ever beat around the bush.  
"Oh, I, urm…" She could see the guilt seeping from the boy; at least he cared that was always a start, "I'll make it up to him, to both of them." He spoke with a confidence she didn't believe to be true but with intentions that were so she let him be.  
"Well I hope you all understand how Dromeda feels and will write so in your individual letters, I'm sure Mr Potter will pass them onto her when he visits this afternoon." With that she stood up to prepare to set home, she didn't want to give anyone a chance to argue against her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: All rights belong to the 'holier than thou' J.K Rowling. Follows from the end of The Deathly Hallows (not the nineteen years later epilogue though), reasonably canon but will drift. All responses are welcome, please review I beg of you. Lullaby lyrics are not mine, they're from the song 'Lullaby for a stormy night' by Vienna Teng.**

**Chapter three: that wasn't very nice**

Harry stood patiently outside the Tonks' house, he wiped his arm across his face to catch the sweat beads he couldn't remember being there a couple of seconds ago. Great, show up sweating profusely like a pig, well done Harry. He knocked four times to alert his arrival then went back to his nervous thoughts.

He was pondering about how to greet the grandmother of his godson when he heard what sounded like someone pounding frantically down the stairs, before he could think the door had flung open and a wand was pointed in his face. Instinctively he took two steps back and withdrew his own wand. He was about to cast a shield to prevent incoming hexes when he realised who was stood in front of him. Andromeda was soaking and he presumed she'd been in the shower, her drenched hair clung to her face which looked flushed, she stood before him in only a men's shirt which was indecently high about her knee and was only buttoned up enough to cover her belly button, not to mention the thin fabric was dampening from her wet skin.  
He quickly diverted his gaze to her feet which were a safe place for his eyes. Upon recognising her visitor the witch lowered her wand and clutched her unbuttoned shirt to prevent from showing anymore skin. Harry too put his wand back in his pockets and help up his hands in a mock surrender before speaking.  
"Ms Tonks, I'm urm sorry for startling you, I uh this is the time Augusta told me to come round. She said you'd be expecting me, I-I'm Harry Potter. We, we've met before." He sneaked a glance at her face, she didn't look happy.  
"I know exactly who you are Mr Potter, and yes Augusta left me a note saying you would be coming but I sent her an owl saying that wouldn't do today." Her hand trembled slightly as she spoke and he could see how uncomfortable she felt.  
"Oh, I urm, well there are some letters here from several members of the Order, so there for you." He held the letters out awkwardly to her, still not moving his line of vision off the ground. He put his hand back in his pocket when he felt her apprehensively take the letters.  
"So urm if this isn't a good time for you I'll be off but, I urm I hope you don't find this rude but I would like to be able to come meet Teddy. And be a godparent to him and help you out, not that you need help because you're incompetent or anything just y'know, Sirius was so great to me in the short time we had, Remus too. I mean, I never had parents so godparents were a big deal for me so… I mean I know I haven't met him yet but I just know that I want to be there for him, if that makes sense." He trailed off and hoped he hadn't babbled too much, it bothered him deeply how he sounded so literate in his head yet could never articulate out loud, always had.  
"Yes well, I uh appreciate it and I know Dora would have wanted you involved so I'm sure we can come up with some agreement. Have a nice day Mr Potter." As soon as she stopped speaking, she slammed the door in his face. Leaving a perplexed Harry Potter to wander down the drive to the apparation spot wondering whether the previous conversation was good or not.

* * *

Her palm rubbed against her clitoris as nimble fingers began to increase the pace they thrust into her sex; while the right made work of her dripping entrance her left hand gripped a large round breast, fondling the nipple. As her breathing speed up moans escaped her lips in time with the movements of her hand, with the increasing pleasure she arched her back against the shower wall. The water from the shower head ran down her face and body, eyes closed in anticipation she welcomed the wetness that soaked her body, treasuring how it met with her own and ran down her long legs. The workings of her hand became more frantic and she moaned the name belonging to the man who, in her mind, was delivering the pleasurable administrations to her body,  
"Ted, oh Ted." Her words dripped with longing.  
Andromeda wasn't sure whether touching oneself and pretending it's your late husband that is doing so is an effective form of grief, but she didn't care. She needed this, not just the sexual release, the idea of closeness. Even if she was alone this act made her feel close to Ted, if she could pretend it was him she would never have to let him go. If he could give her these feelings even when he was gone she'd never need to seek another for the company she'd only ever received from her husband. She knew Ted would want her to be happy and acting like she still had him with her gave her happiness, she wasn't sure how it just did. If it was her that was gone the thought of Ted moving on to another made her sick, it was selfish yet she didn't care. Ted was all hers and she would always be his.

Her climax was near; fingers moved desperately curling as they hit their destination. Moans became deeper, louder and she was glad the shower masked the sounds for if not Teddy would surely have heard her. She could feel her orgasm growing in her stomach and,  
"KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!" The sound of thudding against the front door pulled her away from her release. It was around lunch time, they had no neighbours, who the hell was at the door? Andromeda jumped from the shower and grabbed her wand, she was about to sprint down the stairs before she got a side glance in the mirror. She was soaking and naked; changing her direction to the bedroom she grabbed one of Ted's old shirts she had taken to sleeping in and threw it on.  
Charging down the stairs she fumbled with the shirt buttons until at least her naval was covered. Wasting no time she flung the door open and shoved her wand into the face of the intruder. The figure took a few steps back and drew their own wand. Examining her visitor she instantly recognised the man, Harry Potter stood before her wand raised in muggle clothing and his trademark glasses. Andromeda lowered her wand and clutched her shirt to prevent showing the young man anymore of her already over exposed flesh. It seemed recognition dawned on him too as the boy who lived lowered his wand and raised his arms as if to surrender, she then became painfully aware of the boy giving her slow one over but released a deep breath when he settled his gaze on the ground.  
"Ms Tonks, I'm urm sorry for startling you, I uh this is the time Augusta told me to come round. She said you'd be expecting me, I-I'm Harry Potter. We, we've met before." His voice was weak and for the saviour of the wizarding world Andromeda found him remarkably un-impressive. Then again she hadn't laid eyes on anyone in the last five months other than her grandson and Augusta as of last night so she might have been expecting too much. Speaking of Augusta she had owled her this morning clearly stating she didn't wish for boy wonder to come banging on her front door until she decided to let him see Teddy. It really was stupid of her to presume Augusta was giving her any sort of option. Her irritation was clearly apparent in her face as the boy made quick eye contact only to shoot his gaze back down to the ground.  
"I know exactly who you are Mr Potter, and yes Augusta left me a note saying you would be coming but I sent her an owl saying that wouldn't do today." She could feel her voice shaking a little bit and hoped her sexual frustration wasn't clear in her speech.  
"Oh, I urm, well there are some letters here from several members of the Order, so there for you." He held his arm out awkwardly still keeping his vision lowered, she wasn't sure to appreciate his manners or be irritated that he obviously found her so repugnant he couldn't bear to look at her. Just as she made to take the letters from him she realised with great embarrassment there was sufficient evidence of her earlier activities on her hand, with great caution she took the letters from the boy, careful not to let her hand brush his. Lest she make this **more **uncomfortable.  
"So urm if this isn't a good time for you I'll be off but, I urm I hope you don't find this rude but I would like to be able to come meet Teddy. And be a godparent to him and help you out, not that you need help because you're incompetent or anything just y'know, Sirius was so great to me in the short time we had, Remus too. I mean, I never had parents so godparents were a big deal for me so… I mean I know I haven't met him yet but I just know that I want to be there for him, if that makes sense." The boy trailed off and Andromeda could see how afflictive the situation was for him, he was clearly only interested in Teddy yet was hoping for a more friendly welcome on her behalf. She did feel bad; he wanted to be a part of the boy's life and regretted the lateness of his offer. But Teddy was all she had now, just him and memories, she didn't want to share. She didn't want to let those people into her life, those people who could go on like normal when her Dora would never go anywhere again. She hated them for living instead of her daughter, she hated herself for being selfish, and she hated Harry Potter for being one of the first people she'd spoke to in so long and evidently not giving a shit about her.  
"Yes well, I uh appreciate it and I know Dora would have wanted you involved so I'm sure we can come up with some agreement. Have a nice day Mr Potter." She slammed the door in his face as soon as she had finished her sentence, this wasn't about her it was about Teddy and her grandson needed people in his life. She leaned against the back of the door besides, it was **never** about her.

* * *

Harry arrived in the burrow kitchen with a loud pop. Walking into the living room he spotted Ginny, kissed her on the cheek and sat beside her.  
"You're back early." He was about to explain to Ginny when three of her brothers walked in.  
"Hey Harry."  
"Hi Harry, hi Ginny."  
"Hey."  
"Ron, George, Bill." He greeted the Weasley brothers, who were closely followed by Hermione, Fleur, Neville and Luna.  
"Harry how did it go?" Hermione was the first to bring up the meeting.  
"Well that's what I wanted to talk about, turns out Andromeda owled Augusta this morning telling her not to send me. It seems Augusta didn't read the owl, and if she did she didn't care for the contents."  
"I'm sorry Harry my grandma can be a bit, strict at times. She doesn't take well to people going against her wishes, she just tends to ignore them and go ahead. You get used to her." The others grinned at Neville it was no secret he was scared of his grandmother, a ten foot snake easy, his grandmother no way in hell.  
"I presume she wasn't happy about you being there." Hermione steered the conversation before it became embarrassing for Neville.  
"Yes and no, we had a very short and urm, awkward conversation. She agreed to let me see Teddy, I don't know when though; she took the letters as well. I don't think she was that annoyed about me coming round just what she was doing when I came round." He tried to be as discreet as possible although he knew the lads would push him for details.  
"And what exactly was she doing when you came round?" Ginny's voice had taken a defensive edge he'd never known from her, making her sound strikingly like her mother. He looked in her face for explanation to her tone but was met with a jealous glare that confused him further.  
"Nothing bad or anything. I heard running then the door was flung open and there was a wand in my face,"  
"She 'exed you?" Fleur cut him off sounding horrified.  
"No, no. I got my wand out but before anything happened she recognised me."  
"So you just startled her." George pointed out.  
"Yeah it's just; when I saw her she got uncomfortable cos, she must have been showering before I came round and thought it was somebody else, who she didn't know. She'd obviously just grabbed a night shirt and not dried herself. She was very wet and the shirt was short, she hadn't properly buttoned it up and it was starting to stick to her. She was embarrassed so I looked at the floor and, it was a short conversation." Harry felt like he was being interrogated.  
"Oh you just looked at the floor did you, that's big of you!" Ginny was shouting at him and he didn't for the life of him know why.  
"Yes what was I supposed to do? I couldn't stand there and gawp at the woman. I wouldn't do that!" Harry was annoyed now, why was Ginny being like this?  
"Yeah course mate." Ron looked and sounded amused, as did the others.  
"WHAT?" Harry didn't get what everyone found so bloody funny about his girlfriend going off on one.  
Fleur decided to help the oblivious boy out, "Harry don't be so defensive, we only laugh because Andromeda is a very attractive woman et you're a young man…" She trailed off suggestively hoping he'd get the message. He did.  
"Well, oh, right. I know, well I get what you mean but, she's, she's"  
"Spit it out Harry." Hermione cut him off.  
"She's not Ginny." He mumbled feeling like a soppy twat. He felt a little better when his girlfriend snuggled into him, clearly happy with his answer. She looked up at him all anger and possessiveness gone from her face; he smiled at her ignoring the gagging noises George was making.  
"You still could have asked her to button up." He could never win with his Ginny.

* * *

Andromeda sat lulling in mortification leaning against the back of her front door; the saviour of the wizarding world had essentially just interrupted her masturbating. This was certainly something, she wondered with morbid curiosity if he was perceptive enough to have realised why she was so flushed. Perhaps that was why he couldn't meet her eyes, either that or the sight of a frumpy old woman half naked repulsed too much for him to chance a glance for fear of vomiting. She suspected the latter.

Mortification aside she wondered of her opinion in regard to the 'chosen one'. Her gratitude towards his heroism was a given but what did she think of the boy, not the hero the tabloids wrote of.

He is, boring. Dora spoke of him so highly as did Remus she just couldn't see it. He's brave and all the other Gryffindor crap but he didn't strike her as intelligent. A skilled fighter and duellist yes. A smart man no. And brains are important. She meant not that he was dumb only, moderate. Nothing exceptional struck her about him nor had it the first time they met. Actually their first meeting pissed her off rather. Threatening her as if she were that deatheater, that psychopath who took her Dora, that beast her sister had become. There was/is a physical resemblance though not to the point of miss-identification in any other circumstance. And he has never even apologised, not properly anyway. That bitch killed her daughter and he didn't think it may be polite to say sorry for ever mixing them around! So arrogant, he could spout modest tripe to his heart's content yet she saw through. Always blabbering on about people dying for him, sacrifices for him, **all for him**. Those people fought for their lives, families, and futures you stupid boy! Going on and on about him being the only one able to defeat you know who, like no one else could stab a cursed cup with a sword that conveniently came to you whenever there was a horcrux nearby really. From what she heard it was 50% luck and the 50% help from others. Yes the boy is a hero, is he a great man no, she doubts it. Thinking the world revolves around him.

**In fact fuck this heroism bollocks if she didn't like him she didn't bloody like him! Why should she…**

"Bottle?" Teddy had crawled to the landing and was sat a few feet away from her. His eyes shone with innocence, his hair an adorable bubble-gum blue.

Immediately the sight of her grandson caused her anger to disappear, replaced with a strange sense of content happiness. She skipped to the kitchen to get a bottle of milk, heating it with a gentle warming spell. Dashing up the stairs Andromeda began to hum softly, undoing the baby barrier she swept Teddy up in her arms. Carrying him to her room she jumped lightly onto her bed earning a giggle from the ten month year old, she handed him the bottle and he drank greedily. Ignoring the small puddles of milk being spit onto her shirt, Andromeda stared lovingly at the child in her arms laughing at the gurgling noises he made as he drank. Watching him drink she noticed his eyes changing from a light green to a deep brown with flashes of gold that identically matched her own. Smiling at the resemblance she walked with him in her arms to the full length mirror to get a better look. He had inherited a slight aristocratic edge to his facial features typical of the Black family, sharp cheekbones and defined jaw structure with naturally arched eyebrows. His hair, quite like his mother's, changed constantly. Normally a bright eye catching colour that would irritate Andromeda had Nymphadora come home with her hair such a shade. The alikeness to herself and Dora was ever present but the genes of his father couldn't be denied. There was a ruggedness to every defined feature that was so very Remus. Staring at her own reflection with Teddy in her arms she felt at a loss to understand how self-hating she'd been just ten minutes ago; her hair fell thick and curly around her tiny waist, wet curls stuck to damp skin around her open chest, large breasts matched the proportions of an hourglass figure, long legs held her body high and flawless tan skin made them look golden, the gentleness of her eyes balanced out the harshness of her classical bone structure. She's beautiful and so is little teddy. Confidence elevated she took the now empty bottle from her yawning grandson and walked over to his cot, laying him down she sang a gentle lullaby until he dozed off.

_Little child, be not afraid,  
though wind makes creatures of our trees  
and their branches to hands, they're not real, understand  
and I am here tonight._

_And someday you'll know,  
that nature is so,  
the same rain that draws you near me._

_Falls on rivers and land,  
on forests and sand,  
makes the beautiful world that you see  
in the morning._

_For you know, once even I  
was a little child,  
and I was afraid.  
But a gentle someone always came  
to dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears  
and to give a kiss goodnight._

Snoring reached her ears, picking the bottle up she walked downstairs to the kitchen. She dropped the bottle in the sink with the intentions to wash it, but as soon as it hit the water's surface she fell to the floor. With no thought as to why she began to weep hysterically, her emotions running rampage. Tears fell heavy, hands were confused at whether to wipe the snotty nose or mop the downpour from the eyes, opting to tremble and occasionally pull at hair instead. Crawling into a foetus position the sobs were loud and desperate, so frantic that she began to shake as she cried. Her release was unexpected and despairing, also quite un-called for and this only made her more sensitive.

She didn't cry for her husband. She didn't cry for her daughter. She didn't cry for her son in law. She didn't cry for her grandchild who would grow up without his wonderful parents. She cried because these mood swings aren't normal, her way of grief isn't normal, her hatred towards all who tried to help her isn't normal, the conversations she has in her mind aren't normal. She cried because she knew she was going a little mad, but mostly she cried because she didn't care.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: All rights belong to the 'holier than thou' J.K Rowling. Follows from the end of The Deathly Hallows (not the nineteen years later epilogue though), reasonably canon but will drift. All responses are welcome, big thanks to those who have reviewed, favourite, and followed so far means a lot. Still haven't decided if this will be a romantic story between Harry and Andromeda yet so any thoughts on that would be appreciated. This is just a filler chapter so I'll have another one quite soon, please read and review!**

**Chapter four – You should've beena psychiatrist**

The burrow was filled with people. Hermione sat in hers and Ginny's room (seeing as her and Ron were on a break it hardly seemed a good idea for the two of them to continue sharing), attempting to read every book known to earth that could possibly help her prepare for teaching. Ron and George were in his room playing a game of wizard chess while Neville sat in the corner studying some form of underwater plant. Bill was in the dining room writing a reply letter to Percy whilst his wife helped his mother finish making tea before Arthur came home. Ginny and Harry were laid out on a blanket treasuring their now rare alone time since they'd had to give up their shared room.

The sun was setting over the noisy household and down the long path that led to the over packed house Minerva and Augusta slowed down to admire the view. The two older witches walked in what seemed like a companionable silence but both were in deep thought, their heads swimming with ideas. Ideas that needed to be discussed.

"You were…"  
"I think…"  
Both witches spoke at the same time and cut each other off. The women turned to each other and smiled knowingly at one another.  
"You were right." Minerva stated.  
"I wish I weren't." Augusta's reply was unusually timid and she her companion gave her a meek smile before she continued speaking, "When did you realise?"  
"The letters Harry gave her; they were sat on the side unopened. She said she'd read them, Andromeda never lies."  
"You're obviously more perceptive than I, I didn't realise until we had left. She just seemed so, so happy, like she used to be."  
"I know." Minerva reached out for her friend's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze, "Did you see the, the…"  
"The scars." Augusta finished for her, grimacing as she did.  
"They didn't look old enough to be scars."  
"That's because they weren't, they weren't there when Harry visited her." The shorter witch said knowingly.  
"How?"  
"Legilimensy." Augusta cut her off again.  
"Honestly, do you ever learn?" A half smile worked its way on to the witch's worried face, only Augusta would dare invade the mind of the saviour of the entire wizarding world.  
"No, besides I had a good reason. The boy refused to articulate himself, embarrassed, she'd been showering when he came round and was _ill-dressed_ during their conversation. He gave her a bit of a scare and she nearly hexed his head off, fortunately she opted to just stand before the young lad scantly and soaking. And between you and me he _appreciated_ her more then he lets on."  
Minerva snorted at that last bit, how troubling it is to be young, with hormones raging.

"Do you think it's some form of bipolar disorder?"  
"Minerva don't you think that's a bit of a heavy conclusion to draw?"  
"I know it might seem like it but let's examine the evidence, in the near seventy two hours since you sent that owl she's been; completely nonchalant, furiously hysterical, paranoid and rude, self-harming, then warm plus lovely. All while caring for an infant might I add, which regardless of my _heavy conclusions_ you have to admit she isn't in the right state of mind to be doing." Minerva turned to her friend, halting their walk towards the burrow, which was now only a few yards away from them. Augusta turned to her but didn't make eye contact.  
"But this is Andromeda we're talking about…" This time it was Minerva who cut the other off,  
"Exactly, Andromeda Tonks nee Black, _Black!_ For heaven's sake insanity is weaved into the magic of the entire family! May he rest in peace but even Sirius wasn't right! I thought a lot of the chap and you know that but even before Azkaban… Nobody from that family has ever been all there, nobody! It's like a genetic poison. Grief and loneliness aren't a good mix for anyone never mind… She's the sister of Bellatrix Lestrange Augusta! Up until she ran off with Ted most people couldn't tell the two apart, myself included. I care for her just as much as you which is why we need to help her!"  
"I know Minerva! I just… there were moments when I first went round after she let go, I was holding her as she cried and she kept losing it, really losing it. She'd shout insults threw tears, most of them incomprehensible but there was this look in her eye, only once or twice, when she looked exactly like her sister. I can't let that happen to her, I won't! Andromeda is not like them! She's not!"  
"I hope you're right." Minerva said and looked sadly at her friend tilting her head until they were eye to eye, "I really do." She shook her head lightly and walked the rest of the way to the burrow, not waiting for her friend to catch up.

"Minerva! You're just in time, and Augusta! Hurry, hurry we're serving in a minute." Molly's cheerful demeanour entered the witches into the burrow, Bill gave each a polite nod before standing to help his mother and Fleur serve up.

The witches made their way into dining room/kitchen and sat side by side at the top right of the long wooden table. The Weasley matriarch had prepared a homemade stew with dumpling and vegetables, the scent was enticing and Minerva didn't even protest against the mammoth portion Molly put on her plate, thanking her with a warm smile.  
"Anytime, you're always welcome." Molly replied, "You too Augusta." Augusta shook her head at the ginger's answer knowing how genuine it was; the woman's hospitality bewildered the stern old witch. She'd have an aneurism if she had to feed so many mouths. With a quick wave of her wand all of the other plates were stacked with generous portions and Molly sent her son plus daughter in law to fetch the others.  
"So, how bad is it?" Molly's voice had now taken a serious taken as she opposite the witches. Each gave her a blank stare, "Andromeda, how bad? Don't give me that look Augusta! I know she's not well, even Harry thought she seemed a little off and he's only met her once before. Not surprising really in her predicament…"  
"She is most definitely unwell." Augusta answered formally, Molly clearly wasn't pleased and her face said as much. Letting out a begrudging sigh Augusta continued, "She appears to be having rather drastic mood swings and… Shall we say she's behaving in a manner befitting of the Black family." Minerva raised her eyebrow at her friend's sudden change of mind but didn't mention it; she knew how stubborn the witch was.  
"I,"  
"Ahem," Augusta coughed.  
"We believe she may be suffering some form of wizarding bipolar disorder."  
"That's the manic depressive illness?" Molly asked, her head lowered in shock, Minerva nodded, "That's a bit of a hefty conclusion don't you think?"  
"Not when you've seen the symptoms." Minerva mumbled. A first for such an articulate woman.  
"I know it seems a little, melodramatic. I thought so at first but when I gave it some thought it she really does fit the bill, so to speak." The Longbottom matriarch added.

"I just," Molly started but the arrival of several hungry teenagers cut her off.  
"Hi Mum," "What we having?" "Smells delicious." "Pass us the salt." "Hey move over fatty." "Oi!" "Don't spill." "I'm starving." "Is there any gravy?" The familiar anarchy of Weasley meal time set in and Molly gave her two opposites a look that said their conversation would be continued.


End file.
